Computer Science and Mathematics (combined major) Personal Statement (3)

Reading time: 4 minutes
Price: Free download
Published: 21st October 2021
Word count: 1092 words
File format: Text

My story so far has been about desire, hard work and passion. It is the story of how a young man from a little known suburb in Ghana rose through the ranks to become one of the senior managers at one of the world’s largest multinational telecommunications company.

Like most of my peers in my community, in my early schooling days, I went to school because I had to. My parents will always talk to my siblings and I, telling us how essential education was to accomplishing our life goals, that education was a great leveller and admonished us to apply ourselves to study, to plant the initial seeds and to pursue excellence. This they admitted will be initially difficult but added that after a while, it will be fun and well worth the efforts. I never quite understood this nor did I fully apply myself to it till I reached secondary school. There, the odds were stuck against me, I was in class with students who were well prepared before the programme began, very studios and bent on being the best. I took this competition lightly, with a plan to just focus on getting grades good enough to get by. I took to reading later in secondary school and after one book I read, it dawned on me how being excellent at school can transcend to an excellent and disciplined life and how the effects of this discipline will see me achieve great things in life [not just in school] and to contribute significantly to human progress.

I started then to apply myself to learning, to studying and to being the best in all my fields of endeavour. My grades quickly began to improve and I was soon ranked in the top 5 percentile in just about all the science related programmes. My performance in physics, mathematics and chemistry [which were the required subjects for math majors] was rated as outstanding and excellent. I excelled in the nationwide senior secondary school certificate exams and gained admission to study in the two top ranked universities in Ghana. I chose the University of Ghana (Legon) and there, I had the opportunity to pursue Computer Science and Mathematics as a combined major.

The challenge in University of Ghana was huge. My personal aim was to excel and to try to be among the best in this highly competitive environment, made up of some of the best Ghanaian students. The end result exceeded my expectations as I graduated with First Class Honours in Mathematics and Computer Science and was adjudged the Best Graduating Science Student for my graduating year.

My professors, seniors and colleagues encouraged me to pursue further studies after my undergraduate degree. I however felt it was essential to get significant work experience to practice what I learnt in school while discovering which research areas will be of most interest to me for further studies. I have loved every minute of my work and I have gained significant wisdom and insight in technical knowledge, leadership and influence.

My first work was at ExplainerDC Limited. Here, I developed essential skills in web development and successfully developed and deployed websites for banks and other financial institutions. One can only imagine the confidence the success of these projects gave me – and as such taking on a senior web developer responsibility in BSystem Ghana Limited where I joined a team of competent developers in developing applications for national institutions. The desire to challenge myself led me to join Millicom Ghana Limited one of the largest telecommunication providers in Ghana.

Within a year in Millicom I developed a commercial product – xtreme which allowed customers to have endless voice call, send unlimited SMS messages for certain duration with just a subscription fee per day. The impact, of course increase uptake of customer but more importantly for the two-year life cycle, the solution contributed 35% to the total revenue base of the business in Ghana. This and other accomplishments led to my reassignment to a sister operation in Tanzania to replicate this success and also to provide technical assistance in helping them to reduce cost and increase revenue. In Tanzania, I developed many solutions to meet peculiar business needs. The range of applications included apps to meet regulatory requirement, interact with the provisioning system and tools to aid the customer care agents. Some of the solutions were replicated in other Millicom operations across Africa.

Working on these projects has helped me hone my programming skills on real-life problems. I have developed an appreciation of “the big picture” and conversely how important details are. I also discovered leadership skills, and frequently assisted colleagues. As an outcome, the company gave me more tasks and I was moved to the London head office, where I manage projects outsourced to vendors and our internal developers.

My combined experience in the telecommunication sector, background in computer science and love for learning has seen me firmly decided and fully committed to pursuing advanced studies in Computer Science. I yearn to significantly contribute to Computer Science education in Ghana and possibly to work as part of a team of global researchers in advancing the course of natural language processing. In pursuance to this, I spend most of my free time solving data structure and algorithm questions on a couple of websites I have signed up on and I enjoy the challenge.

Searching through the Internet for prestigious institutions in the Computer Science led me to your M.S programme for Computer Science. The department web site revealed a very strong faculty. This has strengthened my resolve to study at Indiana University South Bend where I intend to earn a Master’s degree in Computer Science and to follow up with a Ph.D. programme in the same field.

While my present job has helped me develop thorough insight into project handling, my goal remains being part of a team undertaking cutting-edge research in advanced computing, with specific reference to Artificial Intelligence or Data Structures and Algorithms.

With strong grasp of the fundamentals in Computer Science and Mathematics, an aptitude for teaching and teamwork, a zest for challenges and an enthusiastic desire to learn, I believe I am strongly prepared for this task in the next phase of my career. An international programme as yours will doubtless provide me with the environment I need in my studies and guarantee a network of strong and lasting relationships with tutors and fellow-students. I look forward to become a proud alumni of Indiana University South Bend and especially the Computer Science faculty.

Why this example works — strengths and ways to improve

This is a postgraduate application for an MS in Computer Science, with an impressive career trajectory and clear academic credentials. The work evidence is concrete, especially the xtreme product. However, the statement spends too long on schooling. It explains little intellectual motivation for research areas like natural language processing. The programme fit rests on generic praise rather than specific faculty or courses.

Subject motivation

advancing the course of natural language processing

You name natural language processing, Artificial Intelligence and algorithms, but you never explain what draws you to them. No problem, paper or work challenge sparked this interest. Without that, the research ambition reads as a list of topics rather than a motivated direction. The shift between these areas also looks unsettled.

Academic preparation

graduated with First Class Honours in Mathematics and Computer Science

Your First Class degree and Best Graduating Science Student award are strong, verifiable markers of preparation. Mentioning one advanced module or final-year project would show what you studied, not just how well you performed. Your algorithm practice is relevant but stated too vaguely to carry much weight.

Evidence and reflection

I have developed an appreciation of “the big picture” and conversely how important details are

This reflection is generic and could fit any job. You give a striking result, the 35% revenue contribution. You could explain what technical decision or design problem made that possible. You could also say what it taught you about computing that you now want to study formally.

Relevant experience

Some of the solutions were replicated in other Millicom operations across Africa.

Your progression from web development to telecoms systems in Ghana, Tanzania and London is substantial. Your applications for regulation and provisioning show real engineering range. The link to research is still missing, though. You could identify any data, scale or language problem you met that connects your work to AI or NLP.

Credibility and voice

rose through the ranks to become one of the senior managers

The opening frames your life as a success story. The phrase "One can only imagine the confidence" sounds self-congratulatory, which weakens trust in the strong facts that follow. Typos such as "studios" and "stuck" also undermine credibility. So do tense slips like "will always talk" and "become a proud alumni."

Structure and format

Like most of my peers in my community, in my early schooling days

Childhood and secondary school take roughly a quarter of the statement, which is disproportionate for a master's application. The ending stacks generic qualities and promises a "guaranteed" network. A brief research focus would be a better use of that space.

What you’ve done well

Your xtreme product and its measured revenue impact give concrete, quantified evidence of applied technical ability.
Your undergraduate honours and award establish clear academic credibility for advanced study.

How this draft could improve

Cut the schooling narrative sharply and use that space to explain a specific technical problem that led you towards NLP or algorithms.
Replace "very strong faculty" with named research groups, courses or projects at Indiana University South Bend that match your stated interests.
Proofread carefully for spelling, tense and grammar, and remove self-praising phrasing so your achievements speak for themselves.

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