Free medical school or nursing personal statement example

Reading time: 2 minutes
Price: Free download
Published: 28th June 2019
Word count: 470 words
File format: Text

It was on the many volunteer expeditions to foreign countries in need that convinced me that I wanted to become a doctor because it was clear that there are so many people in need who require the expert care of a physician. Although it was harrowing to work in some countries that were in the midst of civil war or that had just experienced a major disaster, it taught me about humility and the value of humanity.

I will never forget the looks on the faces of those struggling with the bare minimum or even going without food – they always smiled when they saw me and if they had anything they would offer to share it with me. This took me off-guard because I know that I did not look like I needed anything and I certainly did not want to take anything away from them. Their determination to carry on, share with others, and remain positive even in the face of uncertainty and tragedy made me realize I had to do more than what I was already trying to do.

It was very rewarding to me to participate in their lives and make a considerable difference where I could but to also realize there was so much more that I could be doing for them. When I returned home, I participated in a number of research trials and studies to further expand my knowledge of medical science and how it can be applied to those that could benefit from the findings.

If I had just simply gone straight into research, I would not have had the level of sympathy and understanding of the human side of medicine that is so critical alongside the clinical aspect of medicine. Together, these experiences broadened by knowledge, skill, and understanding of the future role of medicine in helping those in third-world countries to improve their health and well-being as well as learn new ways to take care of themselves and improve their status.

My volunteer work is largely due to a family that always encouraged the idea of helping others. As far back as I can remember, my parents encouraged myself and my siblings to do things for other people out of the shear reason of helping improve others’ lives and feeling the satisfaction of making things better for others.

It provided me with a greater appreciation for life overall, which made me feel like I could apply this to the medical profession where there is often a lack of that human understanding in what is done for others.

My hard work and dedication to helping others can be furthered by continuing on through your medical school where I will gain a new level of knowledge and skill that will be represented in the field in places where these are needed the most.

Why this example works — strengths and ways to improve

Your statement has a sincere motivation rooted in volunteering and family values, but it stays general. Volunteer expeditions and research trials are named without places, roles, tasks or findings, so readers cannot judge your preparation. Reflection leans on broad ideas of humility and humanity rather than specific learning about medicine. Some phrasing risks sounding paternalistic, and proofreading errors weaken credibility.

Subject motivation

there are so many people in need who require the expert care of a physician

Your motivation is clear and heartfelt, but it explains why help is needed rather than why you specifically want medicine. Nursing, public health or aid work could meet the same need. Show a moment where you saw what a doctor does and why that role drew you.

Academic preparation

I participated in a number of research trials and studies

This is your only academic evidence, and it is vague. You do not say what the research was, what you did, or what you learned. Name one study, your actual task and one thing it taught you about medical science or evidence, so readers can judge your preparation.

Evidence and reflection

it taught me about humility and the value of humanity

Your reflection stays abstract. The anecdote about people offering to share food is your most vivid moment, but you link it to doing more, not to medicine. Explain what you did in response and how it changed your view of patient care, dignity or communication.

Relevant experience

participate in their lives and make a considerable difference where I could

Your volunteering could be strong evidence, but no country, organisation, duration or task is given. Claims of a considerable difference need support. Describe what you actually did, especially any contact with health care, and be honest about the limits of a volunteer's role.

Credibility and voice

helping those in third-world countries to improve their health and well-being

Your sincerity comes through, but terms like third-world and the idea of helping people improve their status can read as paternalistic. The claim that medicine often lacks human understanding is also unsupported. More measured language and concrete detail would make your voice more convincing.

Structure and format

It was on the many volunteer expeditions to foreign countries in need that convinced

Your opening sentence is ungrammatical, and errors such as broadened by and shear, meaning sheer, undermine care. The family paragraph appears late, so the next paragraph's It has an unclear reference. The ending is generic. A chronological order from family values to volunteering, research and medicine would flow better.

What you’ve done well

The moment when people with little offered to share food with you is memorable and shows genuine emotional engagement.
You see that research and the human side of medicine complement each other, which is a promising line of thought.

How this draft could improve

Replace general claims with specifics: where you volunteered, what you did, which research you joined, and what each taught you about being a doctor.
Show why medicine, rather than other helping roles, is your goal by drawing on any clinical observation or contact with doctors.
Proofread carefully, review wording that may sound paternalistic, and rewrite the ending to state a concrete aim, not a general promise.

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