Medicine example personal statement (7)

Reading time: 3 minutes
Price: Free download
Published: 22nd November 2021
Word count: 643 words
File format: Text

I am convinced that medicine is the career for me because it combines scientific understanding with compassionate and caring delivery. This combination is a perfect match for me as I love science and I am passionate about improving the health and well-being of all members of society – from the new born to those nearing the end of their lives. I truly believe that medicine transforms peoples’ lives in a variety of ways, to enable them to achieve more and be happier. I want to be a part of this. A career in medicine requires total commitment and determination but is rewarded by a career that never stops evolving and a lifelong opportunity to continue to learn and develop as an individual. I initially became interested in medicine by listening to family members and friends talk about their work in the medical field, including the most interesting and challenging aspects of their day to day professions. Therefore, I endeavoured to further learn about the medical field through talking to junior doctors, undertaking first aid qualifications from the St John Ambulance and ECP and gaining first-hand experience during work experience placements as well as reading around the medical field.

One book I particularly enjoyed reading was ‘The Checklist Manifesto: How to Get Things Right’ by Atul Gawande which examines human error and its prevention using checklists; I then observed the use of checklists, as a means of organisation and maintaining a high standard of baseline performance, put into action by surgeons on a subsequent medical placement which I undertook in an orthopaedic surgery department. On this placement I witnessed the use of the WHO surgical checklist to minimise risks and human errors before, during and after surgery; perhaps most prominently it was used in a high-risk hip revision surgery which I observed, performed under spinal anaesthesia rather than general anaesthesia due to previous heart complications and weakness. The checklist ensured that all concerns were properly addressed and communication between the medical professionals was clear and adequately detailed.

I am lucky to be academically gifted, as recognised by my Sixth Form academic scholarship, but also understand the need to work hard; I have common sense and a logical, analytical and organised mind which allows me to tackle multiple challenges simultaneously and succeed. My academic record speaks for itself, however at the same time I balance a part time job at Waitrose, am working on ABRSM Grade 7 flute, have completed the Duke of Edinburgh’s Award to silver level, trekked through Borneo, completed an EPQ concerning the effect of obesity on the NHS, learned to drive and have volunteered with the St John Ambulance, Oxfam, CAFOD, Parkside (disabled children’s charity), Step by Step (homeless charity) and at the Phyllis Tuckwell hospice. Each of these experiences, aside from leading to the frequent question ‘when do you sleep?’, have presented challenges for me to overcome as an individual, each allowing me to develop fundamental attributes ranging from resilience to perseverance to leadership, communication and teamwork. In particular, volunteering at the Phyllis Tuckwell hospice has allowed me to further develop resilience and compassion whilst working with their vulnerable patients and teamworking skills through working together with the volunteer team to ensure that they are as comfortable as possible. Also, I have been confronted with many emotional situations whether it be dealing with my own emotions or those of the patient’s family and friends. Undertaking an EPQ has also challenged me, it has required much perseverance to maintain my motivation and overcome promblems such as having to modify my topic slightly to fit with the resources I had access to.

I am a flautist and enjoy partaking in the musical ensembles and choirs at school and I hope to join the university orchestra. I am also a keen badminton player, playing in doubles and singles matches at my local club.

Why this example works — strengths and ways to improve

Your statement shows genuine engagement, especially the link between Gawande's book and the WHO checklist you observed in orthopaedics. However, much of it relies on general declarations and a long activity list rather than reflection. The hospice and EPQ deserve deeper exploration, and some self-descriptions risk sounding overconfident. The ending stops abruptly without returning to medicine.

Subject motivation

I initially became interested in medicine by listening to family members and friends

Your motivation stays broad, resting on statements like loving science and transforming lives. Hearing about relatives' work is a valid starting point, but you never say which specific conversations or challenges drew you in. One concrete moment would make your interest feel personal rather than generic.

Academic preparation

completed an EPQ concerning the effect of obesity on the NHS

The EPQ is potentially strong academic evidence, but you mention only its title and the fact that you persevered. You give no findings, method or argument. Explaining what you discovered about obesity and NHS resources would show analytical thinking far better than saying your record speaks for itself.

Evidence and reflection

The checklist ensured that all concerns were properly addressed and communication

This is your best section. You connect reading to observation, and you note clinical detail such as the choice of spinal anaesthesia. Push further by explaining what this taught you about error, teamwork or patient safety, and how it shapes your view of being a doctor.

Relevant experience

volunteering at the Phyllis Tuckwell hospice has allowed me to further develop resilience

Hospice volunteering is valuable, but you describe it through skill labels such as resilience, compassion and teamwork rather than a specific interaction. You also mention emotional situations without showing one or how you responded. A single reflected example would carry more weight than the list of charities around it.

Credibility and voice

I am lucky to be academically gifted

Phrases like this, along with 'my academic record speaks for itself' and claims that you tackle multiple challenges and succeed, assert qualities rather than demonstrate them. This can read as overconfident. The 'when do you sleep?' aside adds some personality, but evidence should do the persuading.

Structure and format

I am also a keen badminton player, playing in doubles and singles

The statement ends on hobbies with no conclusion linking back to medicine. The opening paragraph is long and abstract, and the third paragraph lists activities rather than developing them. There are minor errors, such as 'promblems' and 'new born'. Tightening the opening would free space for reflection and a closing thought.

What you’ve done well

You link Gawande's Checklist Manifesto directly to the WHO surgical checklist you saw in use, which shows that your reading informed what you observed.
Your detail about the hip revision under spinal anaesthesia, chosen because of the patient's heart history, shows attentive observation of clinical decision-making.

How this draft could improve

Replace the long activity list with deeper reflection on two experiences, such as the hospice and your Waitrose job, showing what specific situations taught you about patients or people.
Cut self-assessments like 'academically gifted' and 'speaks for itself', and let your EPQ findings demonstrate your ability instead.
Add a brief conclusion that draws your experiences together and restates why medicine suits you, rather than ending on extracurricular hobbies.

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