Law (International) personal statement (5)

Reading time: 3 minutes
Price: Free download
Published: 22nd September 2019
Word count: 846 words
File format: Text

For most of my life, I have resided in two worlds – the first with gorgeous virgin jungles as far as the eye could see, petroleum scented air, and no shortage of locally farmed delicacies; the second with pristinely kept roads lined with palm trees, space rocket launches, and genuinely endless mosquitoes. As soon as I became accustomed to one of my homes, forgetting about the latter and beginning to understand my surroundings, learning to appreciate the unique beauty of each, I was exiled to fly back to another reality.

As I grew older, I traveled around the country my ancestors had called home for centuries, visiting the Amazon, attending cultural folklore and dance festivals, and spending afternoons swimming in pristine rivers. When we arrived back to my grandmother’s home, and my curiosity couldn’t be quenched with adventures, my grandmother pulled out one of the many photo albums from an old closet, and recounted stories of our indigenous beginnings generations before, her father’s stories of working in the first oil fields in the 1920s, and the story of the traditions and history we celebrated. I felt incomparable pride in being Venezuelan.

Growing into my teens, I continued to travel back and forth between Venezuela and the United States during school breaks and at-times to complete a partial school year. Each time I went back I began to witness increasingly desperate situations that, as a child, no one wanted or cared to clue me into. I’m sure my parents thought that they were protecting me, but as an insatiably curious child, it only served to frustrate me. I witnessed days-long lines for gasoline, the food shortages began shortly after, and eventually missing groceries and toiletries were an average fact of life in Venezuela. And with the county’s growing hostility, I could no longer travel to back for fear of being robbed, or worse.

In 2013, with the death of sitting President Hugo Chavez, the political and socioeconomic situation worsened considerably, in a way few could have foreseen. A hand-selected successor, Nicolas Maduro, did not have any of the concerns of the international community’s criticism that his predecessor did, and acted accordingly. The great pride that I felt in being Venezuelan was destroyed. And slowly, I was physically isolated from Venezuela, and all the beauty and adventure I grew accustomed to was taken from me.

To replace my time abroad, I channeled my focus into my love of history and politics. As most do, I began with ancient Greece, and I discovered Plato’s “Allegory of the Cave” in Republic, which tells of the allegory of a prisoner freed from a cave to witness, for the first time, his true surroundings. And not the dark shadows that misshaped reality. In attempting to return to the cave of his imprisonment, he finds that he cannot reason his existence in the cave any longer and is freed to begin a new journey. Beginning with this allegory, and further discovering text from George Orwell, Ignazio Silone, and Albert Camus, while delving into many of history’s lessons I found myself becoming a freed prisoner from my cave of childhood ignorance. As a child, I learned so appreciate the duplicity of being from two very different places, and as a teenager, I learned to reconcile my isolation from Venezuela and redefine my own world by educating myself with facts and attempting to make the world around me a better place. From this point on, I actively sought opportunities to learn and develop myself: I volunteered in my community often asking difficult questions to those thrice my age in order to better understand their own worldview. My human geography teacher saw my love of differences, and selected me, along with 9 other students, to partake in an ongoing exchange with one of the first schools for girls built in Kabul, Afghanistan after warring with the Taliban for decades. I learned from these insightful Afghani girls that education was truly a privilege offered to few, but more often denied or hidden from many in efforts to rule an ignorant population.

Naturally, when it came time for applying for college, I enrolled in a program that suited my love of politics, culture, and history, political science seemed to fit the bill. I felt that I needed the tools to learn how to become a global citizen, and I also wanted to begin my journey of attempting to affect tangible change in my community, my county, and the world.

I first became interested in law as a means of finding my place in the international community. I believe the culmination of my meaningful life experience, curiosity, education, and respect for human life fosters the ideal foundation of an attorney in international law and will make me an asset to your college of law. As of now, I am uncertain which sector of International Law that I wish to pursue, but I know that I am heading in the right direction and pursuing a career that I truly love will not steer me wrong.

Why this example works — strengths and ways to improve

Your statement has a vivid, personal foundation in your Venezuelan heritage and your experience of losing access to it. The narrative is engaging, but the move to law arrives late and thinly. You give little evidence of engaging with law itself, and the closing claims outrun what the essay demonstrates. The reasoning that connects your experiences to international law needs development.

Subject motivation

I first became interested in law as a means of finding my place

Your motivation for law appears only in the final paragraph and stays abstract. You never explain how Venezuela's crisis, the Kabul exchange or your reading pointed you specifically toward law rather than politics or advocacy. Readers need a link showing which legal questions drew you in.

Academic preparation

enrolled in a program that suited my love of politics, culture, and history

You mention political science study, but you give no detail about its content, such as courses, topics or arguments that prepared you for legal study. The reading list is promising, but you name the authors without saying what you took from Orwell, Silone or Camus.

Evidence and reflection

education was truly a privilege offered to few, but more often denied

This is your strongest reflective moment. It turns the exchange into an insight about power and knowledge. The Plato passage mostly summarises the allegory, though, and the claim of being a freed prisoner is asserted rather than shown through a changed belief or decision.

Relevant experience

selected me, along with 9 other students, to partake in an ongoing exchange

The Afghan school exchange is genuinely relevant to international concerns, but you describe it in a single sentence. The community volunteering is vaguer still: you don't say what you did, what questions you asked or what you learned. Concrete detail would turn these into evidence.

Credibility and voice

will make me an asset to your college of law

The early paragraphs have an authentic, observant voice. The conclusion shifts into self-assessment the essay hasn't earned, and phrases like "ideal foundation" sound inflated. Saying you are "uncertain which sector" is honest, but it would be stronger if you named the areas you are weighing and why.

Structure and format

As soon as I became accustomed to one of my homes, forgetting about the latter

The essay spends about four paragraphs on background before reaching its purpose. Several sentences are overloaded or contain errors, such as "latter" for "other", "county", "learned so appreciate", "duplicity" for "duality" and "arrived back to". These slips undercut the precision a law application needs.

What you’ve done well

You make the vivid contrast between two homes and the gradual loss of Venezuela personal, rather than relying on generic hardship.
You draw a sharp reflection from the Kabul exchange about education being withheld to control a population.

How this draft could improve

Condense the childhood narrative and use the space to explain how specific experiences raised legal questions, such as about sovereignty, human rights or accountability.
Develop one or two experiences, such as the exchange or your volunteering, with concrete detail about what you did and how it changed your thinking.
Proofread carefully, and replace the self-praising conclusion with specific areas of international law you want to explore.

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