Architecture personal statement (2)

Reading time: 3 minutes
Price: Free download
Published: 23rd December 2019
Word count: 619 words
File format: Text

Architecture is a complex and articulated process that ultimately has an impact on us all in some way or another. It does not exist for its own sake but instead must address social, environmental and economic objectives. Within recent years, my father and uncle have fused a sense of inquisitiveness in me, alongside an ardour to share ideas through daily conversations, ranging from the array of disciplines within architecture to the intrinsic connections architecture possesses within our contemporary world, which in turn have encouraged me to pursue the subject at a higher level.

Outside of education, travelling to certain countries such as China, Italy and Dubai, experiencing the human and natural landscape of these countries’ has opened my eyes to a multitude of methods and correlations of engineering and architectural proficiency. The Pyramids of Giza, the Burj Khalifa and the London Aquatics Centre are a few of my many interests for taking in renowned architectural achievements. Sketching and recording the detail of these have reinforced the development of my innovative skills and compliment my innate inquisition into the theory and technique of their construction. With London being the central piece of urban areas in Europe, I am extremely fortunate enough to have lived here all my life in which I have witnessed first-hand the eclectic combination of architectural styles. Architects such as Norman Foster, Zaha Hadid and Oscar Niemeyer have imbued within me a sense of unwavering optimism for the future and belief in the power of invention with advanced neo-futuristic designs.

My summer experience at my uncle’s architecture firm has reaffirmed my propensity for accuracy, function and endurance in design and structure. Throughout this experience, I had the opportunity to assist the planning of a project consisting of 13 houses in the rural outskirts of Pristina and another massive project of 115 apartments that will be constructed near the US embassy in Pristina. I also have had the opportunity to visit various construction sites with my father and one of which working in close partnership with H+H and having seen first-hand demonstration of the newly developed I-House. This development has motivated me to look at alternative methods of building efficiently which would meet the high demand into the UK housing whilst providing rapid build, cost certainty and an environmentally friendly home.

Having decided to pursue my interest in Architecture throughout my studies, I have maintained to balance the technical and creative aspect of the discipline. Through drawing and painting in my free time, I dedicated my school studies to obtaining the scientific knowledge which is also crucial, particularly in a period when the advancement of technology and environmental concerns inevitably drive architecture to an ever greater degree. In my spare time, I have recently started teaching young people how to use several PC applications, such as AutoCAD, Rhino, Revit and Photoshop. This experience has stressed the need for planning, patience and presenting work accurately for others to follow. Basketball is a major part of my extracurricular life and other than being in the school basketball team, I am also am a member of a private basketball team that enters many competitions throughout the course of the year and this has improved my teamwork and leadership skills.

The modification of urban development has reinforced my belief that architecture is ultimately integral to our lives, whether we are aware of it or not. University will provide the ideal environment in which to enhance and assess my understanding of such a discipline, whilst being a place where I can pragmatically construct and contribute my own creativity to the subject. Fused with its real world significance, I believe Architecture to be a demanding and diverse discipline making it an exciting subject to study.

Why this example works — strengths and ways to improve

Your statement contains promising material: real firm experience on Pristina housing projects, site visits, the I-House and teaching CAD software. These are buried under abstract claims, lists of famous buildings and ornate phrasing. The strongest moments need detail about what you actually did and thought. Several sentences assert qualities rather than showing them, and some wording is ungrammatical.

Subject motivation

my father and uncle have fused a sense of inquisitiveness in me

Family conversations are a credible source of interest, but you never say what was discussed or which idea changed your thinking. The opening definition of architecture is generic. A single conversation or question that stayed with you would make the motivation personal rather than asserted.

Academic preparation

I dedicated my school studies to obtaining the scientific knowledge which is also crucial

You do not name subjects, topics or any piece of school work, so the reader cannot judge your preparation. Linking a specific concept you studied, such as structures or materials, to something you observed would show readiness far better than this general claim.

Evidence and reflection

motivated me to look at alternative methods of building efficiently

The I-House visit is your best reflective opening, connecting a demonstration to UK housing demand. You stay at the level of benefits listed in brochure language, though. Explain what you saw, what surprised you and what trade-offs you began to question.

Relevant experience

assist the planning of a project consisting of 13 houses

This is genuinely useful experience, but "assist the planning" hides your actual tasks. Did you draw, model, survey or attend meetings? Similarly, teaching AutoCAD and Revit implies real software skill that you could evidence with one concrete example of your own work.

Credibility and voice

imbued within me a sense of unwavering optimism for the future

Inflated phrases like this, along with "innate inquisition" and "London being the central piece," weaken trust and bury your voice. Listing Foster, Hadid and Niemeyer without discussing a building of theirs reads as name-dropping. Plainer, specific statements would sound more confident.

Structure and format

I have maintained to balance the technical and creative aspect

The paragraphs follow a sensible order, but errors such as "compliment," "countries'" and "I also am" recur, and the conclusion repeats the opening's generalities. The basketball paragraph ends with an unexplained skills claim. Careful proofreading and a conclusion drawn from your own evidence would tighten it.

What you’ve done well

Your hands-on exposure to two real housing projects and construction sites gives you concrete material that many applicants lack.
The I-House paragraph links observation to a wider problem, UK housing demand and sustainability, showing the beginnings of architectural thinking.

How this draft could improve

Replace lists of famous buildings and architects with a close discussion of one or two you have sketched or visited, saying what you noticed about form, structure or use.
Specify your actual tasks at the firm and in teaching software, and reflect on what each taught you about design practice.
Cut ornate phrasing and proofread thoroughly so your ideas read clearly and credibly.

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