Studying abroad personal statement

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Price: Free download
Published: 13th September 2019
Word count: 557 words
File format: Text

Growing up in a family filled with Businessmen and Entrepreneurs made my vision change Immensely. I can recall when I was young, I have always loved the way my father ran his company, it made me more passionate about studying in the business field. I always used to go along with my father to work when I was younger just to see and witness how it feels to be in the action. Most of my vacations I have spent in my father’s company. I felt like studying business is the key to many different opportunities out in this world, that’s why I decided to study Business Management.

I can foresee the future of this world, with the technology evolving around us and how fast everything changes, this made me more interested in studying Business, because what I admire the most about business studies is that it combines many factors of life and how to operate through it, and I feel that this is where I belong and I also feel like I can excel in this specific major due to my past experience with studying business studies in high school and also working in my vacations with my father in his company. I supposed that in order to achieve my goals, I had to expand my vision and move to the UK to join a University there because I was certain that the UK education is capable of developing me to be the best version of myself.

Considering Universities in the UK has made me so much motivated because UK Universities are known for their respected level of education and their highly respected reputation. Studying abroad wasn’t my easiest decision to make because I am very connected to my country Egypt and my family and friends, but I had to overcome everything just for the sake of a better education that would help me to accomplish my dreams and be a source of pride to my family and my country. Studying abroad will also have a positive effect on me as a person, it will make me be more independent and will expand my knowledge, education, and my cultural experience.

In High School, I used to enjoy to participate in many extra-curricular activities, I took part in many charity events hosted by my high school, as well as many athletic activities, I took part in the High School Varsity Football Team which made me a better athletic person and also it helped me to make new friends.

Born and raised in an Arab country could be challenging. Arab countries have their own principles and traditions, which may be different from any other country in the rest of the world, but being taught in Modern English School, Cairo which is the best school in Egypt according to rankings by the Egyptian government, has utterly changed my mindset making me a more understanding and a smarter person. Studying at such a high-level institution has encouraged me more to study abroad in the UK. I know for a fact that I definitely wouldn’t have any trouble communicating in the UK because I have been taught by teachers from the UK and the US ever since I started school which made my English language better, therefore I feel like I am confident and qualified to study abroad.

Why this example works — strengths and ways to improve

Your statement conveys sincere motivation rooted in family business exposure and a clear wish to study in the UK, but it relies on general claims rather than concrete examples. Time in your father's company is promising evidence, yet you never describe a task, problem or lesson. More space on business itself, and less on UK reputation and school rankings, would strengthen it.

Subject motivation

I have always loved the way my father ran his company

This gives a genuine, personal origin for your interest, which is valuable. However, you never say what specifically you admired: decisions, people management, finance or growth. Naming one aspect of how the company operated would turn admiration into a defined academic curiosity about Business Management.

Academic preparation

my past experience with studying business studies in high school

You mention studying business at school but give no topic, project or idea that interested you or that you explored further. One example, such as a concept you applied or a question it raised, would show readiness for university-level study rather than simply asserting it.

Evidence and reflection

it combines many factors of life and how to operate through it

This is the closest you come to explaining why business matters, but it stays abstract. Similarly, the technology point is never developed. Reflection needs a specific observation followed by what you learned from it and why it changed your thinking about the subject.

Relevant experience

Most of my vacations I have spent in my father’s company.

This is potentially your strongest evidence, and ordinary work like this can be excellent. At present you only say you witnessed the action. Describe what you actually did, a challenge you saw handled, and what it taught you about operations, customers or leadership.

Credibility and voice

which is the best school in Egypt according to rankings

Leaning on your school's ranking and UK universities' reputation shifts focus away from you. Phrases like I know for a fact and I can foresee the future overstate certainty. Your honest note about leaving family in Egypt is more convincing and personal than these claims.

Structure and format

I feel that this is where I belong and I also feel

Long run-on sentences and repeated I feel weaken clarity, and random capitals such as Businessmen and Immensely distract. The structure gives roughly equal space to studying abroad, sport and school as to business; reordering around your subject would make the argument more coherent.

What you’ve done well

Your family business background offers an authentic, specific starting point for your interest in Business Management.
Your candid acknowledgement of attachment to Egypt and your family adds sincerity to the decision to study abroad.

How this draft could improve

Expand the time in your father's company into one or two concrete episodes showing what you did and learned about business.
Cut reputation and ranking claims and replace them with a specific business topic or school assignment that shaped your interest.
Proofread for capitalisation, split long sentences, and replace repeated I feel with direct statements.

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