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History degree personal statement example (3)

Student-written example
  • Reading time: 4 minutes
  • Price: Free download
  • Published: 20th July 2022
  • Word count: 909 words
  • File format: Text

I wish to read for a degree in History because I have realized my interest in particular historic periods goes further than the classroom when I was studying my A Levels. My enjoyment of history inspired me to undertake an EPQ devoted to the understanding of the tactics used by the opposing sides in the Vietnam War. My interest in the Vietnam War began when I covered this conflict as part of my GCSE course however when I got to A Level I was not satisfied with the depth of knowledge acquired which is why I was keen to undertake independent research for my EPQ. The book ‘Always the children, a nurse’s story of home and war’ was written by Anne Watts, a nurse, who helped the wounded in the Vietnam War and her perspective shows that the young generation of war are the ones who are affected most and suffer the consequences the greatest. This war was one of the first wars that was broadcast into the homes of the public and therefore public opinion greatly molded the atmosphere of the war. Even the President, Johnson, said “If I’ve lost Cronkite, I’ve lost middle America” which shows that broadcasting impacted the war, arguably more than any other factor. This is in stark contrast to present day with pictures which are beamed to millions of households every day with bloodshed in warring countries around the world.

I am a regular member of my school’s History and English Literature Societies; both of which I find helpful in deepening my understanding of historical events. As a result of attending History Society, I have really enjoyed lectures given by Historians Eric Foner and David Blight who are incredibly well-researched American Historians. Especially Blight’s lecture called “The Election of 1860 and the Secession Crisis” because in it he speaks of the importance of John Brown and how his actions impacted the way in which people voted in the election of 1860. Films such as ‘The Help’ and ‘Twelve Years a Slave’ made me question the absurdity and dehumanizing levels of denigration the African American’s were subjected to and helped me to take an interest in the movement which I am writing my History Coursework about. A resource that helped me to complete my coursework on the Civil Rights Movement was the ‘In Our Time’ radio broadcasts on BBC Radio 4. The broadcast “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” interested me because I had studied extracts of the novel in class and wanted to have a greater understanding of the context behind the greatly controversial novel by Harriet Beecher Stowe. The podcast speaks of how colonization was “her family position”; however, Beecher Stowe divided her family and as she grew older became more involved in the ‘abolitionist movement’, leading to her writing the text itself, which even left the President saying “you’re the little woman who wrote the book that started this great war”. The broadcasts were really interesting and demonstrated different perspectives of the topic which helped me to write a well-balanced piece of coursework. Attending the English Literature Society assists me greatly with my presentational skills and encourages me to engage in challenging topics and time periods in English Literature, that I may not be familiar with. I read the novel ‘My Antonia’ which really helped me to appreciate the pioneering spirit in America at the end of the 18th century and the toughness of the life for the immigrants. Art and Design helped me to have a great understanding of the cultural artefacts throughout history, such as responding to objects obtained from Captain Cook’s Voyage that are exhibited in the ‘Pitt Rivers Museum’, I also enjoyed learning about the mechanics of textiles. English Literature A Level helped me to gain a basic understanding of literature throughout history, as I have studied texts ranging from ‘The Merchant’s Prologue and Tale’ to ‘The Great Gatsby’.

It is my intention to take an extended amount of time away from the UK during the summer before first year to explore in cultures overseas. One of the main motivations for me to go travelling is because I would like to visit Vietnam, Cambodia and Laos. These countries represent hope for other parts of the world suffering with internal and external conflicts. I feel that travelling around Asia during this trip will help me to develop my social skills and give me an opportunity to experience independence for the first time, skills that will be essential for University life, whilst experiencing new cultures and ways of life as well.

I have always been a member of the school hockey team and enjoy working in a team to push for the best possible outcome and feel that it has helped me to develop my communication skills tremendously. I also have a ‘Foreign Language Leader Award’ and as this taught me to lead young children through the use of games and activities, to learn basic terminology from other languages. I was able to improve my organizational skills, as well as leading young children through a kind and relaxed environment.

In conclusion, History is for me because I enjoy learning about the fundamentals of the past and how many decisions made by political leader’s impact on everyday life, even dating back to the 1500s when Queen Elizabeth reasserts Protestantism back into England after Mary’s reign, as this is something that still impacts us today.

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Why this example works — strengths and ways to improve

You show genuine curiosity about American history and the Vietnam War, and your EPQ and coursework give useful anchors. However, the draft mostly lists sources and summarises their content instead of analysing them. Several factual slips, loosely connected paragraphs on travel and hockey, and a conclusion that introduces a new topic weaken an otherwise promising foundation.

Subject motivation

I was not satisfied with the depth of knowledge acquired

This is a real motive: you wanted more than the syllabus gave you, and you acted on it. The opening sentence is tangled, though, and you never explain what about historical study itself draws you, such as handling contested evidence or explaining causation, beyond enjoying particular periods.

Academic preparation

undertake an EPQ devoted to the understanding of the tactics used by the opposing sides

The EPQ is your strongest evidence of preparation, yet the paragraph then moves to Anne Watts and media coverage without saying what you argued about tactics or which sources you used. State your question, the method you used and one conclusion you reached, so the reader can see your historical reasoning.

Evidence and reflection

demonstrated different perspectives of the topic which helped me to write a well-balanced piece of coursework

This names a benefit without showing it. Which perspectives conflicted, and how did you weigh them? Similarly, calling broadcasting influential 'arguably more than any other factor' is a bold claim that you leave unargued. Exploring one tension in depth would demonstrate the analysis you say you value.

Relevant experience

responding to objects obtained from Captain Cook

The museum visit could be excellent evidence of working with material sources, but you mention it in passing alongside textiles. Hockey and the language award are reasonable inclusions, though the skill claims stay generic. The travel paragraph's description of Vietnam, Cambodia and Laos as representing hope is asserted rather than explained.

Credibility and voice

the pioneering spirit in America at the end of the 18th century

My Ántonia is set in the late nineteenth century, so this slip undermines your authority in a history application. Unattributed quotations ('the President') and phrases like 'incredibly well-researched' have the same effect. Your voice comes through most clearly where you describe dissatisfaction and wanting context, so build on that.

Structure and format

In conclusion, History is for me because I enjoy learning about the fundamentals

Your conclusion introduces the Elizabethan religious settlement, which appears nowhere earlier, so it feels forced rather than earned. The long second paragraph combines societies, films, podcasts, novels, art and English without clear grouping. The trailing date string appears to be archive metadata rather than part of your writing.

What you’ve done well

  • You frame the EPQ as a response to finding A Level coverage of Vietnam insufficient, which shows self-directed curiosity.
  • You draw on a varied range of accessible sources, including a memoir, lectures, In Our Time and novels, and you link some of them to your own coursework.

How this draft could improve

  • Cut the summaries of what sources say and replace them with one or two developed arguments, for example what your EPQ concluded about tactics or how media coverage interacted with them.
  • Check every factual detail and attribution, including the century in which My Ántonia is set and which president each quotation belongs to.
  • Write a conclusion that draws together the themes you have already developed, such as war, public opinion and civil rights, instead of introducing a new period.

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