Finance personal statement example

This postgraduate finance statement has a credible core: a petroleum engineering graduate seeking finance roles in the oil and gas sector. The quantitative grounding and the career goal fit together well. However, the motivation stays general, the reading is listed rather than analysed, and frequent grammatical errors undermine the precision a finance programme expects.

Subject motivation

I always tried to find out how the oil and gas business manage its economy

This is your most distinctive motive because it connects your engineering field to finance. It is not developed, though. You never name a specific question about oil and gas finance, such as commodity price risk or project valuation, that you want answered. The opening instead relies on broad statements about interest and enthusiasm.

Academic preparation

differential and integral calculus, probability theory, random distributions, correlation, regression

This list is relevant, because quantitative finance draws heavily on these methods. It reads as a syllabus, however. Showing one place where you applied regression or probability to a real engineering problem, and noting how that skill transfers to risk analysis, would turn the list into convincing preparation.

Evidence and reflection

There was unrest among the workforce in Chinese factories

Using a news example is a good instinct. The reflection stops at saying it showed you the importance of finance. Explaining how labour unrest might reach a share price, through production, earnings expectations or investor sentiment, would show analytical thinking. The book titles are named but never discussed.

Relevant experience

work with finance chair and learn how the organization is operating

Working as a cashier and organising events for the National Society of Black Engineers are legitimate evidence. The fundraising detail is the most relevant, but you never say what you learned about budgeting, cash flow or decisions. The cashier paragraph describes duties rather than any insight about how a business operates.

Credibility and voice

I am confident that I can handle the programs demands

Your voice is sincere, but the confidence lacks support, and repeated errors weaken it. Examples include grown, base on, peaked my interest, the missing verb in the line about the community service chair, and Petroleum Engineer used in place of Petroleum Engineering. For a precision-focused discipline, careful proofreading matters.

Structure and format

I hope to work for an oil and gas company such as Schlumberger

The order works logically: motivation, preparation, experience, then goals. The conclusion is concrete in naming target employers. It refers generically to the university and never states why this programme suits you. Some paragraphs end with near-identical sentences about reinforcing your interest, which adds little.

What you’ve done well

• Your career aim of finance roles in the oil and gas sector gives the whole statement a coherent rationale that builds on your engineering degree.
• You correctly identify your quantitative training as transferable preparation for postgraduate finance.

How this draft could improve

• Choose one example, either the Toyota case or an engineering project, and analyse the financial mechanism in two or three sentences instead of asserting its importance.
• Proofread thoroughly for grammar and agreement errors. Fix wrong word choices, such as peaked for piqued, and the dropped verb in the line about the community service chair.
• Add specific reasons this programme fits your goals, such as relevant modules or strengths in energy finance, in place of the generic reference to the university.