- Reading time: 3 minutes
- Price: Free download
- Published: 4th November 2021
- Word count: 708 words
- File format: Text
Engineering is a career path that I have chosen after careful consideration. I have always been fascinated by the way technology has been engineered specifically to make someone’s life much easier. Studying engineering will allow me to combine my passion for making and improving current technology, to create new innovation that will impact lives of others in a positive way. My main interests in engineering lie within mechanical engineering, stemmed from my interest in cars and Formula 1. This passion has led me to attend the British Grand Prix which provided me with the opportunity of being able to witness and try to understand the complexity involved in the way the engines were engineered to sustain speed intensified driving. The complexity of F1 meant that even slight changes to acceleration and gear changes can have significant effects on lap times as well as the whole race itself. Discussing with my cousin, a Renault engineer, I was told that the handling of the vehicle is significant and I believe that this is true in many aspects of engineering. I arranged a placement at Alan Day City VW which highlighted the pivotal role of engineering. During the time I discovered that most cars are now becoming efficient with the CO2 emissions however I learnt that the average mpg of most Golf’s in particular was 58.9 -60. I found this statistic shocking and it had a big influence on my decision to study mechanical engineering, with my focus being engine design and to potentially produce an engine that can do 70-80mpg but also be eco-friendly to the environment. I saw the need for an engineer to be calm and diagnose the faults on the car ensuring that it was duty to ensure that the car was roadworthy. This included me helping out doing MOT’s and services as well as general faults with cars. Shadowing a senior vehicle technician enabled me to see various procedures, such as replacement of a diesel oil particulate and changing a diesel engine into a gas one in which the need for teamwork and communication between various specialists was evident. Witnessing the unsuccessful diagnosis of a fault on the VW Transporter showed me that the solution will not always be given by the computer and that more logical thinking will be needed to rectify it. I enjoy tackling maths problems and using different methods to find solutions; this developed my problem -solving skills significantly, which is an expertise that is crucial for all engineers. Learning modules under the new reformed maths A –Level in mechanics has taught me key skills that have helped me with my technical understanding of the structures in mechanics and how the forces work. Volunteering at my local temple every year, talking and helping run activities like the annual chariot festivals for the devotees has helped me to develop my communication skills, whilst also learning how to deal with emergency situations as well as help engineer the chariot year on year to ensure its road worthy. In my spare time I enjoy practising football in which I have achieved many accolades as a team member, a process that has required both discipline and dedication. I also enjoy playing the violin in which I am currently working on my Grade 5. To add I have accomplished my grade 9 in the Indian drum, utilising that talent I now teach and give out my knowledge as well as expertise. Performing at prestigious venues multiple times such as the Beck theatre and Logan Hall has helped me develop the ability of staying focused and relaxed under pressure. Being in the senior leadership team at school involves me running and helping out during school events, during which I have had to use management and control strategies in dealing with large numbers of the school. The process of becoming a professional engineer is a long and intensive journey, however I believe that my passion for engineering and my perseverance will ensure that I achieve my goals step by step. I am aware that a career in engineering is challenging and demanding, however, I believe that I have the necessary skills and dedication to be able to thrive in this intellectually stimulating profession of innovating technology.
2018-11-5-1541455769
Why this example works — strengths and ways to improve
This archived statement has a credible starting point in cars, a dealership placement and A-level mechanics, and the VW Transporter episode shows genuine learning. However, motivation is stated more than explored, technical claims are sometimes vague or confused, and the later paragraphs list activities without linking them clearly to engineering study. Tighter reflection and accuracy would strengthen it considerably.
Subject motivation
stemmed from my interest in cars and Formula 1
You give a clear origin for your interest, which is useful. The Grand Prix passage stays general, though. Phrases like complexity and speed intensified driving do not show what you actually tried to understand. Naming one specific engineering question that F1 raised for you would make your motivation more convincing.
Academic preparation
Learning modules under the new reformed maths A –Level in mechanics
Mechanics is directly relevant, but you describe it only as teaching key skills about how the forces work. You never name a topic, a problem or a moment of insight. A concrete example, such as a type of problem you enjoyed or found difficult, would show your preparation rather than just assert it.
Evidence and reflection
the solution will not always be given by the computer
This is your strongest reflection. A failed diagnosis led you to a real insight about the limits of tools and the need for reasoning. By contrast, the mpg figure is called shocking without explaining why 58.9-60 mpg is poor. That leaves the conclusion you draw from it unsupported.
Relevant experience
helping out doing MOT’s and services as well as general faults
The placement is good, accessible evidence, and the procedures you observed are specific. The chariot maintenance at the temple is potentially excellent hands-on engineering but gets only a clause. Expanding what you actually did to make the chariot roadworthy would add more than the music and football detail.
Credibility and voice
I have the necessary skills and dedication to be able to thrive
Some claims sound inflated or imprecise. Examples include calling problem-solving an expertise you have, prestigious venues, and diesel oil particulate where you likely mean diesel particulate filter. The ending relies on generic assertions. Accurate terminology and modest, evidenced claims would make your voice more trustworthy.
Structure and format
Engineering is a career path that I have chosen after careful consideration.
The text runs as one block, which makes the sequence hard to follow. The opening and closing are generic statements that could belong to any applicant. Grouping the material into motivation, academic work, practical experience and brief extracurriculars, with clearer transitions, would improve coherence. Several sentences, such as the duty-to-ensure clause, are grammatically tangled.
What you’ve done well
- The VW Transporter diagnosis shows a genuine lesson about logical thinking beyond automated tools.
- The dealership placement gives concrete, relevant detail such as MOTs and fuel conversion work.
How this draft could improve
- Explain your reasoning behind technical claims, such as why the Golf mpg figure concerned you, and use accurate terminology.
- Develop the chariot maintenance into a specific account of a problem you helped solve, and cut generic activity listing.
- Replace the generic opening and conclusion with a sentence grounded in your own experience.
Related personal statements
- Jewellery and objects BA (Hons) personal statement example
- Renewable Energy Systems MEng Personal Statement Example
- Urban Planning BSc (Hons) Personal Statement Example
- Aerospace Engineering BEng Personal Statement Example
- Architectural degree personal statement (6)
- Aeronautical / Astronautical Engineering Personal Statement
- Civil engineering personal statement example
- Mechanical Engineer Personal Statement Example Personal Statement
- Engineering degree personal statement example
- Construction Management Masters personal statement
