Medic / doctor personal statement (3)

Reading time: 3 minutes
Price: Free download
Published: 9th July 2019
Word count: 637 words
File format: Text

In a universe so vast and unpredictable, the chance of me being here is infinitesimally small. Appreciating the rare chance of life that I have been granted has lead me to make the very most of it and use it to better the world and those around me. This is why I want to be a doctor; I cannot imagine a more fulfilling profession.

One of the opportunities that lead me to this conclusion was volunteering at a hospital. I had the role of spending time communicating with patients and also serving tea and coffee to them. This allowed me to observe doctors and realise that it is essential for a doctor to empathise with a patient in order to truly allow the patient to open up and trust the doctor. Every patient has had different experiences of life, which will have lead them to the person that they are today. I was also able to recognise this quality within myself as at school I work as a peer mentor which involves bringing awareness to sensitive issues such as sexual health and drugs, and working with the younger pupils in the school who may be dealing with said issues. Volunteering at a hospital also highlighted the importance of justice; the equal treatment of all patients independent of non-medical background, which allows the fair distribution of scarce resources.

Through contact with Reach, I was able to shadow a medical student. What stuck with me most was a lecture on the epidemiology of coronary heart disease. This allowed me to comprehend that doctors do not only learn how to treat people, but also must appreciate the extensive causes and factors that increase the risk of individuals developing a disease. This shadowing opportunity also made me fathom just how fast paced and challenging studying medicine is. However, I am not one to cower away from challenges and the prospect of a course and career that will constantly be pushing me and bettering me only attracts me further towards medicine.

As part of medic insight, for a week I was able to shadow various doctors within a hospital. Whilst shadowing a doctor on the respiratory ward I became aware of how active a doctor’s job is as we were constantly on our feet and moving. As well as this the significance of good communication between doctors, nurses, and the patients was heavily emphasized. All staff had to be aware of the condition of each patient and each member worked together in an interdisciplinary team to keep the ward running. What I liked the most about the ward however was the “Hello my name is” approach the doctors took when meeting each patient, making sure to introduce themselves before asking the correct questions to extract the history and symptoms of each patient. I felt this small gesture immediately developed a mutual respect between the patient and doctor.

As head girl at my school, I have developed many of the skills required for a doctor such as team work and good communication. At school, I have also developed excellent organisational skills, which were a result of me having to balance duties as house captain, whilst running after school study sessions, and also taking time out of class to work as a peer mentor. It has also bettered my time management and responsibility as I must travel to another school to study Advanced Higher Chemistry.

A doctor’s job is hard however I cannot think of a job that suits me better. I am persevering and I always want to be challenging myself to better the world in some way, and I hope with all my heart that one day I will be able to look back as a doctor and think I made use of this rare life I have been granted.

Why this example works — strengths and ways to improve

Your statement has genuine raw material: hospital volunteering, peer mentoring, shadowing and a well-chosen ward observation. It is weakest where you assert rather than reflect. The cosmic opening and closing feel generic, skills are listed without examples, and academic engagement stays thin. Deepening a few moments would make your motivation far more convincing than broad claims about fulfilment.

Subject motivation

the chance of me being here is infinitesimally small

This opening explains why you want a meaningful life, not why medicine specifically. Many careers could 'better the world'. Your stronger motivation emerges later through patients and teamwork. Anchoring your opening in a concrete moment that drew you to medicine would make the reason distinctive and credible.

Academic preparation

a lecture on the epidemiology of coronary heart disease

This is your only engagement with medical content, and the takeaway that doctors consider risk factors stays general. Advanced Higher Chemistry is mentioned only as a time-management point. Saying what interested you in the lecture or your science studies would show intellectual preparation.

Evidence and reflection

the “Hello my name is” approach the doctors took

This is your best paragraph. You noticed a specific practice and explained its effect on trust and respect. Elsewhere, conclusions such as 'essential for a doctor to empathise' are stated without showing a patient interaction or what you did differently afterwards.

Relevant experience

spending time communicating with patients and also serving tea and coffee

Ordinary volunteering like this is valuable evidence, and peer mentoring on sexual health and drugs is relevant too. However, you describe roles rather than episodes. One brief, anonymised conversation with a patient or pupil would demonstrate the empathy you claim to have recognised in yourself.

Credibility and voice

I have also developed excellent organisational skills

Self-assessed qualities like 'excellent' and 'not one to cower away from challenges' carry little weight without examples. Your sincere voice shows in the ward observations. The justice point about 'scarce resources' feels borrowed, since you don't link it to anything you actually saw while volunteering.

Structure and format

has lead me to make the very most of it

The chronological paragraphs are clear, but 'lead' should be 'led' and appears three times. 'Better' recurs repeatedly, and the conclusion repeats the opening's 'rare life' idea. The leadership paragraph lists roles without reflection and could be cut to make room for deeper thinking.

What you’ve done well

Your respiratory ward paragraph moves from observation of teamwork and the 'Hello my name is' approach to a considered point about patient trust.
You draw on a sensible range of accessible experiences, including volunteering, peer mentoring, shadowing a medical student and a week-long insight placement.

How this draft could improve

Replace the cosmic opening with a specific experience that shows why medicine, rather than any helpful career, appeals to you.
Develop one patient or mentee interaction in detail, saying what you did, what was difficult and what you learned about yourself.
Expand the epidemiology lecture or your chemistry study into a genuine discussion of a medical idea that interested you, and cut repetitive skills listing.

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