Medicine personal statement (2)

Reading time: 2 minutes
Price: Free download
Published: 13th September 2019
Word count: 560 words
File format: Text

My curiosity and passion for science began at quite a young age. It never fails to amaze me how everything in this world involves science. The best part is that there is still more to learn, discover, and solve which is difficult but exciting. The idea of helping and caring for people with the use of science appeals to me as the perfect career and more importantly it is a career that I believe I would genuinely enjoy doing. Volunteering at the Eastbury care home in the small town of Sherborne was when I realised that helping people is the most rewarding feeling while I worked closely with elderly people. Even the littlest things like taking an elderly person out on a walk would put a smile on my face. This was when I knew that studying medicine would be perfect for me as it is involves a combination of science and aiding people.

I am currently representing my school for the NHS Patient Participation Group which involves regular meetings with other volunteer patients, the practice manager and GP of the Bute House Surgery in Sherborne where we discuss the services on offer, and how improvements can be made for the benefit of patients and the practice and aim of making sure that the practice puts the patient, and improving health, at the heart of everything it does. Being part of this group has helped me discuss and communicate with people of all ages which boosted my confidence to make important decisions and has also allowed me to experience what it is like to be in a clinical environment. In addition, I plan to shadow a GP in Scotland in the summer for 2 weeks where I can find out more about being in a clinical environment.

For my Gold Duke of Edinburgh award, I volunteered at the Sherborne Abbey Primary School where I taught maths to Year 5 students. This helped me learn a lot about being able to deal with children and how to easily interact with them. Doing Gold Duke of Edinburgh has also taught me 3 major skills: teamwork, leadership, and commitment which I think would greatly help me in the future, especially when studying medicine. I also completed the St John\’s Ambulance first aid course which prepared me to deal with emergency incidents.

Along with doing A-level Biology and Chemistry, doing Maths A-level has improved my accuracy skills as well as my problem solving skills which I believe is vital when becoming a doctor. I also learnt basic French and Arabic in school which I am sure will me in the future to communicate better in different cultures.

In parallel with my academic work, I do sports and other extras curricular activities to balance out my lifestyle. These include volleyball, netball, dance, and I am starting guitar lessons in a few months. Not only has doing sports taught me that teamwork is crucial in life, but it has also taught me that it is your mindset and the effort that you put in that will get you where you want to be which plays an important role in wanting to study medicine.

Medicine is a very long, tough and competitive career but all the hard work and effort will be worth it.

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Why this example works — strengths and ways to improve

Your statement shows sincere interest and some useful activities, especially the care home and Patient Participation Group, but it mostly lists experiences and asserts skills rather than reflecting on what medicine involves. Motivation stays general, academic engagement is thin, and several claims need more care. Deeper reflection on fewer experiences would make this much stronger.

Subject motivation

helping and caring for people with the use of science

Science plus helping people is a common starting point, but it could describe nursing, pharmacy or physiotherapy equally well. You haven't yet shown why medicine specifically: the doctor's role, diagnostic reasoning, or the realities of the job that you have weighed up.

Academic preparation

doing Maths A-level has improved my accuracy skills

Biology and Chemistry appear only in passing. There is no topic, reading or question that has excited you, so the opening claim of curiosity stays unsupported. One concrete example of scientific thinking, linked to medicine, would give this section real substance.

Evidence and reflection

helping people is the most rewarding feeling

The care home is promising, but the reflection centres on your own reward rather than on residents' needs, communication challenges or ageing and dignity. Similarly, the claim that Duke of Edinburgh taught 'teamwork, leadership, and commitment' is a generic skills list without a moment that shows it.

Relevant experience

representing my school for the NHS Patient Participation Group

This is distinctive and valuable, offering insight into how a practice serves patients. Yet you describe its remit rather than one issue discussed or what you learned about primary care. Note that a patient group meeting is not really a clinical environment, so that claim overreaches.

Credibility and voice

which boosted my confidence to make important decisions

Several claims stretch beyond the evidence: confidence in important decisions, first aid preparing you for emergencies, and basic French and Arabic aiding cultural communication. Your voice feels genuine, but more measured, specific statements would be more convincing than broad assurances.

Structure and format

Medicine is a very long, tough and competitive career

The paragraphs follow a clear activity-by-activity order, but the one-line conclusion is abrupt and generic. Sentences are sometimes overlong or contain errors ('as it is involves', 'will me', 'extras curricular'). The closing site link is not part of your writing and was not assessed.

What you’ve done well

The Patient Participation Group is an unusual, relevant commitment giving you access to how a GP practice weighs patient needs.
Your care home volunteering shows sustained contact with elderly people, a strong foundation for reflection on care and communication.

How this draft could improve

Choose one care home or Patient Participation Group moment and explain what it taught you about patients or doctors' work, rather than how it made you feel.
Add a specific scientific interest from your A-levels or reading and connect it to why medicine, not another caring science role, suits you.
Remove generic skill lists and overstated claims, proofread carefully, and replace the final sentence with a reflective conclusion drawn from your evidence.

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