Alternative medicine/naturopathy personal statement

Your statement shows sincere interest in Traditional Chinese Medicine and a personal link through diet, but it reads mostly as a summary of TCM concepts rather than evidence of your preparation. Health claims are presented as settled fact, comparisons with Western medicine lack nuance, and frequent spelling and grammar errors weaken credibility. More concrete activity and critical reflection would strengthen it considerably.

Subject motivation

understanding the complex functions of Qi reminds me of why I want to study naturopathy

You signal motivation, but the reason stays abstract. What specifically drew you to naturopathy, and when? The diet reference hints at a genuine story, yet it is left undeveloped, so the reader learns what TCM teaches rather than why you personally want this course.

Academic preparation

Learning the fundamental components to Traditional Chinese medicine has allowed insight

You mention learning TCM fundamentals but never say how: a course, reading, practitioner contact or self-study. Without named sources, qualifications or study methods, the reader cannot judge your readiness. Some engagement with biology, nutrition science or how evidence in health is assessed would also help.

Evidence and reflection

made me think about personal experiences with poor diet and how that effected my physical and mental state

This is your most personal moment and your best material, but it stops after one sentence. Explaining what you noticed, what you changed and what you concluded would turn it into real reflection. The childhood Yin-Yang misunderstanding is a nice touch, but you could connect it more clearly to your growth.

Relevant experience

There is no practical experience here: no shadowing, volunteering, work in a health shop, treatment you observed or experience helping others. Even modest, ordinary experiences would show that your interest extends beyond reading about philosophy and that you understand the realities of working with clients.

Credibility and voice

I am able to see a far greater need for alternative medicine as opposed to western medicine

Sweeping claims like this, and saying TCM considers the nervous system, may concern readers who expect critical thinking about evidence. A more balanced view of where approaches complement each other would sound more mature. Errors such as hypothesis, were, effected and vis versa also undermine authority.

Structure and format

Altogether I have found they study of Traditional Chinese medicine an influential holistic approach

Your paragraphs proceed logically through concepts, but the opening two paragraphs are largely explanation. The conclusion repeats earlier points and ends without punctuation. The trailing date and site link are not part of your writing. Careful proofreading would noticeably improve readability.

What you’ve done well

• You have a genuine personal link through your experience of poor diet affecting physical and mental wellbeing, which could anchor the whole statement.
• Your enthusiasm for holistic, preventative health is consistent throughout, and your explanation of Yin and Yang shows you have engaged with the concepts.

How this draft could improve

• Shorten the descriptive summary of TCM and replace it with how you learned it and what you did with that knowledge, such as reading, courses, observation or practical experience.
• Expand the diet experience into a full reflective paragraph about what happened, what you changed and what it taught you about health.
• Moderate absolute claims about Western versus alternative medicine, show awareness of evidence, and proofread carefully for spelling and grammar.