- Reading time: 3 minutes
- Price: Free download
- Published: 10th July 2023
- Word count: 838 words
- File format: Text
What draws me to Psychology is the fact that it is concerned of people and being very much a people’s person, I am intrigued to find out why and how we all behave and think the way we do. I truly believe that a degree in Psychology will help me to deepen my understanding of this. I have been disturbed by the amount of suffering and unhappiness that we are surrounded by in the world. Many people are suffering from mental illnesses and so I wish that with my knowledge of Psychology I can pursue a career in being a Psychologist and help those with such disorders. Growing up, I perceived my father, a human rights lawyer, as this hero who salvaged people’s lives and restored their hope and I learned that this is exactly what I want to do with my life. I want to do something which gives the same rewarding results ensuring I am serving people with my support and for me, I want to achieve this through Psychology.
My motivation to study Psychology sprung from completing my EPQ on the debate of nature versus nurture. My primary focus was on murderers’ minds and how a child’s upbringing affects their likelihood of becoming a murderer. Through this, I learned the inner workings of the criminal brain and the importance of the amygdala fascinated me. Such a minuscule part of the brain holds so much significance as the levels of activation it has could easily change our whole personality. This revealed the scientific side of Psychology to me and the scientific value it holds as an empirical approach is used which means that practical experiments as well as collecting and analysing data are significant parts of the course. This enticed me even further on my decision to study this subject as I currently take Mathematics at A-Level so I am prepared for the number of statistics involved. Economics, also being a social science, has shown me the behaviour of humans and the behavioural side of it has been the most interesting part as I am intrigued at how we act so irrationally and would like to further my understanding into why with Psychology. Philosophy has equipped me with the essay skills this course requires as it requires critical thinking as there are many theories to understand, similar to Psychology. I am most interested in the links between society and psychology which made reading ‘Inside the Criminal Mind’ by Stanton E. Samenow interesting as his primary focus is on how nature is the reason for crime as he refuses to blame society for creating criminals. He disagrees with the argument of nurture and I did not completely agree with it so I am intrigued to find out more about social psychology as well as psychology and the brain. Completing work experience in GP surgery, observing appointments with patients and reading through mental health care plans opened was gave me the chance to see Psychology in practice and this made me realise that the specific field of Psychology that I’d be interested to follow is clinical psychology. The mental health care plans covered patients suffering from illnesses such as schizophrenia, depression, and phobias and seeing that people had recovered due to the treatment from psychologists deepened my desire to want to study this subject.
I have taken interests in areas beyond the traditional curriculum as I have taken up as many opportunities as I could have during my time at school. This includes participation in the school Netball team, representing the school in many fixtures. Being a part of this team has taught me the importance of the value of a group is on and off the court, I have learned that although independence is vital, being part of such a team is something I am proud of. I currently have the roles of being a House Captain as well as a Prefect of my school, which is also an accomplishment for me. Both these positions require responsibilities of completing tasks with deadlines and can be quite a challenge whilst trying to juggle them with 3 A Levels. Having said that, they have certainly helped me to work in a professional environment as I have had to communicate with various audiences. Additionally, I have taken part in the Gold Duke of Edinburgh Award which I believe has given me an important lesson into the set of skills needed when put into a tough environment as it required resilience as well as patience
A degree in Psychology would be my first step in allowing me to pursue a career as a Psychologist and therefore help and educate people, fulfilling my goals of making a positive difference. I believe I have the academic capacity to succeed in such a field as well as the inquiring mind needed to prosper in this course, in addition to genuinely wanting to make a positive impact on society which I faithfully believe Psychology will aid me to do.
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Why this example works — strengths and ways to improve
Your statement shows genuine interest, especially through the EPQ, Samenow reading and GP placement, but the strongest material is buried in one dense paragraph. Several claims overreach, particularly about the amygdala, and reflection often turns into generic statements of fascination. Clearer structure, more careful scientific language and fewer stock skill claims would let your thinking come through.
Subject motivation
I am intrigued to find out why and how we all behave
This opening sentiment is sincere but generic and could apply to any applicant. Your father's work is a meaningful influence, yet the link from human rights law to psychology is stated rather than explained. The EPQ later gives a more distinctive account of your motivation, which suggests it deserves more emphasis.
Academic preparation
I currently take Mathematics at A-Level so I am prepared for the number of statistics
Linking each subject to the degree is sensible, but the links stay at the level of labels. You say Philosophy gave you essay skills and Economics showed irrationality, without naming an idea, problem or argument. One concrete example from each subject would make your preparation convincing.
Evidence and reflection
He disagrees with the argument of nurture and I did not completely agree
This is your most promising moment because you disagree with an author. However, you never explain why you disagreed or what evidence persuaded you. Similarly, claiming the amygdala could easily change our whole personality overstates the science. A more careful, qualified claim would show stronger scientific judgement.
Relevant experience
observing appointments with patients and reading through mental health care plans
This is directly relevant clinical exposure. The reflection jumps quickly to recovery due to psychologists, which a GP setting may not let you observe directly. Describing what you noticed about how care was coordinated, or about patients' experiences, would be more credible than general inspiration.
Credibility and voice
I learned the inner workings of the criminal brain
Claims like this overstate what an EPQ can achieve and weaken your credibility. The extracurricular paragraph relies on stock phrases such as resilience, patience and communicating with various audiences. More modest, specific language would make your voice more trustworthy and more personal.
Structure and format
opened was gave me the chance to see Psychology in practice
This editing slip, along with 'concerned of' and a missing full stop, signals a rushed draft. The second paragraph combines the EPQ, three A-levels, a book and work experience, so each gets thin treatment. Separating academic and practical evidence would improve coherence.
What you’ve done well
- Your EPQ on nature versus nurture, followed by reading Samenow, shows a sustained independent line of inquiry rather than isolated activities.
- Your GP placement, including reading mental health care plans, gives your clinical psychology interest a concrete, relevant basis.
How this draft could improve
- Explain your disagreement with Samenow: identify the specific argument you found unconvincing and the evidence or reasoning behind your view.
- Qualify your scientific claims, especially about the amygdala and 'the criminal brain', so they reflect contested research rather than settled fact.
- Cut generic skill lists from the extracurricular paragraph, and use the space for one reflective example connected to understanding people.