Dance teacher application essay

This is a job application letter for an assistant dance teacher role, assessed as written. You have genuinely relevant evidence: long dance training, babysitting, Duke of Edinburgh and centre volunteering with children. The letter undersells it by listing rather than showing what you did, relying on self-descriptions, and overstating breadth. Several sentences need grammatical repair.

Subject motivation

stems from my genuine love and passion for dance and working with children

Your motivation is stated but not demonstrated. 'Love and passion' is asserted rather than shown. A brief moment, such as helping a younger child master a step, would show why teaching dance appeals to you. Mentioning a 'desire to gain work experience' is honest but reads as self-focused.

Academic preparation

I have studied many different styles of dance many studios

Training since age three is strong preparation, but naming four studios does less than naming the styles you know and your level in each. Mentioning any exams, assisting roles or choreography would show the employer what you could actually help teach.

Evidence and reflection

I have gained many skills as well as knowledge about how to care for children

This is the key gap. You have good experiences, but each one ends with a generic claim of skills. Name one specific thing you learned, such as managing a group transition or calming an upset child, and explain how you would use it in a dance class.

Relevant experience

working with children in after school care and vacation care

Your after-school care, vacation care and babysitting are directly relevant and credible. They are ordinary experiences that are well suited to this role. Saying what ages you worked with and what your duties were would make them persuasive rather than merely listed.

Credibility and voice

My employment background is extensive as I have worked in many areas

Claims like 'extensive', 'countless' and 'single-handily' (single-handedly) for 'a strong five years' feel inflated, especially when the evidence is mostly babysitting and volunteering. The self-ratings 'extremely confident' and 'excellent communication' carry little weight. Measured, specific claims would sound more trustworthy.

Structure and format

as it is as I believe it is a vital skill

The letter's order is logical: purpose, child-care experience, dance, then availability. However, garbled sentences like this one, 'I have dancing since age three', and repeated 'In addition' openings weaken it. The safety paragraph needs a concrete example. It also calls a school position a 'studio', so you should check that detail.

What you’ve done well

• You combine two directly relevant strands, long-term dance training and repeated work with children, which together suit an assistant teaching role well.
• The practical close, giving your availability across weekdays and weekends, is useful and appropriate for a job application.

How this draft could improve

• Replace each 'gained many skills' sentence with one specific incident and what it taught you about supervising or teaching children.
• Cut inflated words such as 'extensive', 'countless' and 'extremely', and let concrete details carry your case instead.
• Proofread carefully, fixing 'single-handily', 'I have dancing', the repeated 'as it is as' and the school/studio inconsistency.