International Relations personal statement

Reading time: 2 minutes
Price: Free download
Published: 13th September 2019
Word count: 516 words
File format: Text

In his 43 years of life, my father has touched many lives: friends, neighbors, former drug addicts, refugees, and my own. He has the rare ability to build long-lasting relationships; he is a paradigm of service where service is more than what you do and it is defined by who you are.

Since a very young age I have aspired to affect people in the manner that my dad does but my vision has expanded; which is why I decided to study International Relations and Political Science, so that I can have a better understanding of global affairs and through the use of diplomacy help solve future conflict in the world.

Capitalism is a European invention, as is democracy, and because the world we live in today was shaped by the European powers, many countries around the world are imitating European institutions and want to live in a world defined by liberal democracy and the free market.

My country of choice to better understand European Studies is Spain. Spain and the United States are closely associated in many fields. In addition to U.S. and Spanish cooperation in the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO), defense and security relations between the two countries are regulated by the Mutual Defense Assistance Agreement and the Agreement on Defense Cooperation. The United States and Spain are also strong allies in the fight against terrorism. However, this are not the only reasons for both countries’ sustained liaison. Spain is the United States’ 27th largest export market, and two-way U.S.-Spain trade was nearly $19 billion in 2010. In 2009, foreign direct investment (FDI) from Spain in the United States stood at $47.5 billion, making Spain the ninth largest investor in the United States. Spain is also the second fastest growing source of FDI in the United States. Spanish companies are the largest foreign investors in the U.S. renewable energy sector and are major participants in U.S. Department of Energy renewable energy programs. The United States is working to create new opportunities for greater U.S. exports to Spain in support of the President Obama’s National Export Initiative, which aims to double U.S. exports by the end of 2016, supporting millions of jobs.

Besides studying US International Relations in Europe, I would also like to immerse myself in the Spanish language, as it it my native language, and Spanish culture so that I can better understand diplomatic relations from Spain’s point of view since we are linked by excellent and historic bilateral relations, with signs of a great future in the 21st Century. I intend to embark on this journey through The Barcelona School for International Studies (SIS) which includes an Intensive Internship Experience (IIE). This program is awarded US accreditation through Jacksonville University in Florida and includes English taught courses that amount to 12 credits to be completed in 12 weeks after which a 4-week internship experience will immediately follow. It is my goal to be able to intern at the US consulate in Barcelona in order to gain first hand knowledge of US diplomatic affairs in a country as important as Spain.

13.09.2016

Why this example works — strengths and ways to improve

Your statement has a warm, personal opening and a clearly named programme goal, but the middle drifts into a long factual briefing on US-Spain relations that reads like a report rather than your reasoning. Your own preparation, experiences and reflections are largely absent, and the link from your father's service to diplomacy needs developing. Several sweeping claims and proofreading errors also weaken credibility.

Subject motivation

I have aspired to affect people in the manner that my dad does

Your father's example gives the statement a genuine emotional starting point, but the jump from his community service to diplomacy and conflict resolution is asserted rather than explained. Show what you saw or did that made global affairs, rather than local service, the way you want to help people.

Academic preparation

There is no evidence of your own study: no courses, reading, writing, languages studied formally or questions you have explored. The trade and defence figures show you researched the topic, but they do not show how you think. Mention one idea or source that shaped your interest and what you concluded from it.

Evidence and reflection

Capitalism is a European invention, as is democracy

This sweeping claim is presented as fact without qualification or argument, and it is contestable. Similarly, the FDI and export statistics are listed without commentary. Reflection would mean explaining why these relationships interest you or what problem they raise, rather than reporting data.

Relevant experience

former drug addicts, refugees, and my own

The mention of refugees and recovering addicts hints at meaningful exposure to service, but it belongs to your father's life, not clearly yours. If you took part in any of this work, describing your role and what it taught you about people and conflict would be far stronger evidence.

Credibility and voice

as it it my native language

Your Spanish fluency is a real asset for this programme, but typos like this and 'this are not' undermine trust. The trade paragraph also loses your voice completely, sounding like an official fact sheet. Keep your own reasoning in front of any facts you include.

Structure and format

It is my goal to be able to intern at the US consulate

The ending gives a concrete, programme-specific aim, which is useful. However, the longest paragraph is factual background, while motivation and preparation get little space. Rebalancing toward your own thinking and adding a brief concluding reflection would make the argument more coherent.

What you’ve done well

Your opening portrait of your father's service is specific and personal, giving the statement a human anchor.
You name a specific programme, its structure and a concrete internship goal, which shows clear intentions.
Your native Spanish is relevant evidence of fit for studying in Barcelona.

How this draft could improve

Cut most of the trade and defence statistics and replace them with your own analysis of one US-Spain issue that genuinely interests you.
Add evidence of your own preparation and experience, such as study, reading or service work, and reflect on what each taught you.
Proofread carefully and qualify broad claims such as democracy being a European invention.

Write your international relations and diplomacy personal statement · £4.99 →