Biomedical science personal statement

Your statement is honest and clearly yours. It names a specific course and a clear plan, and it is candid about a weakness. However, the childhood anecdote and practical reasons take up space that could show engagement with biomedical science. The New Jersey shadowing is your strongest evidence, but you describe it rather than reflect on it. Errors in punctuation and capitalisation also weaken the impression you give.

Subject motivation

sheer curiosity about human anatomy and biochemical processes

You state curiosity, but you never show it attached to a particular question, topic or moment. The age-seven anecdote is charming, but it is generic and takes up a whole paragraph. Naming one mechanism or process that genuinely puzzled you would make your motivation convincing rather than asserted.

Academic preparation

choosing biology and chemistry at a level

You mention your A-levels but give no example of content, practical work or reading that deepened your interest. Saying they opened your mind to a broad spectrum of knowledge tells the reader little. One specific topic, and what it made you want to explore further, would show readiness for degree-level study.

Evidence and reflection

I have learnt from previous experience in studying chemistry and psychology

Acknowledging the maths and statistics weakness is genuinely reflective and mature. It would be stronger if you explained what you have already done to address it, beyond planning to use support classes. The closing quotation, the Serenity Prayer, replaces your own reflection with borrowed wording.

Relevant experience

observed blood and urine samples being obtained and got to partake in analysis

This is your most relevant evidence and it fits biomedical science well. You don't say what the analysis involved, what you noticed, or how it connected to diagnosis in gastroenterology. Saying it offered you an international outlook is vague. Explain what you actually learned about lab work or clinical practice.

Credibility and voice

I chose Liverpool John Moores because I wished to remain in Liverpool

Your voice is sincere and unpretentious. Still, money, location and a relative's recommendation are personal reasons rather than academic ones. The mention of the course is relevant, but you could give one reason the LJMU curriculum suits you. The shift from medicine is explained mainly through relocation plans rather than interest in the science itself.

Structure and format

What we stated that day went into an end of year book

The order drifts from childhood to A-levels, university choice, the USA, career plans and then weaknesses. Run-on sentences, a stray semicolon, random capitals such as Intrigued and Specialises, and misspellings like Undergaduate suggest the draft was not proofread. Trimming the opening would free space for evidence.

What you’ve done well

• You are candid about the maths and statistics weakness, which shows self-awareness and a realistic view of the course.
• The gastroenterology shadowing gives you concrete, relevant exposure to sample collection and analysis that suits biomedical science.

How this draft could improve

• Shorten the childhood anecdote and replace it with one specific biological question or topic that genuinely drives your interest.
• Expand the New Jersey experience with detail on what was analysed and what it taught you about the link between laboratory science and patient care.
• Proofread carefully for capitalisation, punctuation and run-on sentences, and end with your own conclusion rather than a borrowed quotation.